I can't do anything without

V.e.r.i.f.i.c.a.t.i.o.n.

A corduroy absence blankets
My shallow fascination
Life seems so short, but
The precious moments linger on
And the gasoline inhaled
Smells so unbelievably strong

I rot myself away in
Carbonated columns of
Empty tears and flying dreams
That billow like clouds under
A blurry sky

And I strive for it, more, more
I'm this beautiful thing's
Helpless little whore
And what I adore
Are the kisses it spills
While I fly upon the
Smoky, abstract hills

In my mind I find
A refuge to lay
While I take another bite
Into the apple of my fantasy
I'll carve fate into it,
While it spills forth rotten seeds

And I'll count the days I spend
With just this release and me
I can cough up all my memories
That spill on the ground in blood
My past, my present, and my future
In cards shuffled, pulled from a dead dealer

Falling into place, they lay
3 grim reapers stare back with an ugly gaze
They bore into my soul and

I. J.u.s.t. W.a.n.t. T.o. B.e. S.e.t. F.r.e.e.

Ah, another wonderful whiff
Brings me into something heavenly
I like to sit and stare into
A distorted mirror
That breaks underneath my gaze
While I drink for my dying health

And I like to say that I won't
Do this anymore
But it's my addiction
I'm this beautiful thing's
Helpless little whore

A.n.d. P.l.e.a.s.e. S.t.o.p. A.l.l. T.h.e. P.a.i.n.

I'll drive across the avenue
The blaring headlights expose
My liquid skeleton underneath
While my fate becomes well due
And the windshield glows and spirals

While the beeping of horns
Sends me into seizures
I like to watch the butterflies fly past
Oh, is that a white tiger pouncing forth
Or a semi-truck floating aghast

I. W.i.s.h. T.h.i.n.g.s. H.a.d. B.e.e.n. D.i.f.f.e.r.e.n.t.

I see myself, lying there
With nothing but a bloody stare
Into my bottle of a broken life
And I'm filled with all this endless...

T.h.e.r.e'.s. J.u.s.t. S.o. M.u.c.h. S.t.r.i.f.e.

In my casket I watch myself being thrown
An empty ragdoll into an emptier hole
I can see my family, lying there...

A.n.d. I. W.a.n.t. T.o. B.e. A. C.h.i.l.d. A.g.a.i.n.

Where I could fly on an angel's wings
And know that I'd still be here
Where I could hug my mother and father
And know my family would love me dear
I can feel their shame poking and prodding
Through the holes within my skin

And while I watch, floating towards
A grim ending
I wonder if

T.h.i.n.g.s. C.o.u.l.d. H.a.v.e. B.e.e.n. D.i.f.f.e.r.e.n.t.

God, why did you let me get away with all this sin?